The Progressive Puppy

Weekend Farm Report - Artificial Insemination and "Patches"

My partner Art and I hope to qualify for a state agricultural exemption, which would save us lots of money on property taxes.  Problem is, to get these farm exemptions you have to actually, y'know, farm ...

We are planning to raise and sell 'Tame Nigerian Dwarfs With Sweet Milk.'  This would mean I'll be birthing babies once or twice a year. (Pass the Huggies and Diazepam.)  Naturally, as our herd increases we'll have to fence off another acre or two.  I'll eventually build another website, similar to the one we had when we rented the beach cabin.  I intend to name our little livestock venture "The Art of Goats."  I expect it will take at least year before the business is up and running.

Introducing an uncastrated billy to the paddock is not an option - they can be fractious and unpredictable, I'm told.  Stud services are costly.  It's too late for linebreeding since Bushrod and Cricket have already been neutered.  So we've decided to attempt artificial insemination.  Here are a few things I've learned:  You can purchase goat sperm online for $25 dollars per vial from a company called - I'm not kidding - The Buck Bank.  Units of measurement for caprine semen are referred to as "straws" and they must be kept frozen in liquid nitrogen.  (Note to self:  Clearly label and store away from the milkshake straws.)  Once the goat jism is defrosted, you have about an hour to insert the baby batter into whichever doe is in heat.  (I grow faint at the prospect, but we're on a fixed income and the tax savings are enormous.) 

You may recall that Angel had a difficult time delivering Cricket.  When the ordeal was over, I promised her she would never again have to go through the agony of childbirth.  (Yes, I make promises to my goats.)  That leaves Sister who is strong and, judging by her teeth and the absence of a beard, considerably younger.  Although we will be offering Sister's future progeny as pets - with stern requirements for prospective owners - our classified ads will likely read: "milkers" and "gentle herd sires."  We might get a third Nigerian Dwarf nanny for breeding purposes. 

Our success in gentling Bushrod and Cricket has astonished the local vet.  When Dr. Lucy last came out to the farm, she cuddled the bucklings and said they're more affectionate than those she's seen which were bottle-fed. 

Apparently, we're doing something right.  We respect the animals' natural intelligence and curiosity and use their passion for raisins to break up quarrels and occasional displays of jealousy.  Sometimes at dusk, when the goats gather around me, I grab the guitar and sing "Patches" to them.  During the chorus, they bleat and bleat like their little hearts are breaking.  This sets the dogs to howling,  It is a melancholy scene.

Mitt Romney's Shabby Secrets - King Midas Has Ass's Ears

Nobel Prize-winning economist and New York Times op-ed columnist Paul Krugman compares George Romney, who made his fortune the old-fashioned way by building automobiles that people wanted to buy, to his son Mitt Romney (lackluster Republican presidential wannabe), who amassed his obscene wealth by outsourcing jobs, shutting down U.S. companies, and manipulating the financial markets.  It is a tale of the American Dream perverted by raw greed.

Observes Mr. Krugman:  What did George Romney do for a living? The answer was straightforward: he ran an auto company, American Motors. And he ran it very well indeed...   Now fast-forward to Romney the Younger, who made even more money during his business career at Bain Capital. Unlike his father, however, Mr. Romney didn’t get rich by producing things people wanted to buy; he made his fortune through financial engineering that seems in many cases to have left workers worse off, and in some cases driven companies into bankruptcy.  And there’s another contrast: George Romney was open and forthcoming about what he did with his wealth, but Mitt Romney has largely kept his finances secret. He did, grudgingly, release one year’s tax return plus an estimate for the next year, showing that he paid a startlingly low tax rate ...  Put it this way: Has there ever before been a major presidential candidate who had a multimillion-dollar Swiss bank account, plus tens of millions invested in the Cayman Islands, famed as a tax haven?  And then there’s his Individual Retirement Account. I.R.A.’s are supposed to be a tax-advantaged vehicle for middle-class savers, with annual contributions limited to a few thousand dollars a year. Yet somehow Mr. Romney ended up with an account worth between $20 million and $101 million.

According to Greek mythology, King Midas once sprouted ass's ears, a punishment for angering the god Apollo. Terrified that his subjects would discover the secret, the mighty mogul with the "touch of gold" ordered his barber to fashion a special hat to cover the furry protuberances.  Midas made the barber swear a solemn oath promising not to reveal his shame to any living soul.  But his barber was a gossipy sort of fellow and he felt compelled to pass along the story.  He couldn't help himself.  So he went to the river's edge and dug a hole in the ground.  He leaned into the hole and whispered, over and over and over:  "King Midas has ass's ears.  King Midas has ass's ears.  King Midas has ass's ears."  Then he covered up the hole and, feeling greatly relieved, returned to the palace.  Unfortunately, reeds grew along the bank of the river and every time the wind would blow they whispered that buried secret:  "King Miiii-das has assssss's eeaaarrrrs."

Think of the Internet as those ancient cattails, and Romney's shady business dealings as those ears.

It's True. Governor Jan Brewer IS The Wicked Witch Of The West.

It's not easy living under the regime of a spitting, hissing, anti-gay bigot.  Every four years, LGBT persons in the Lone Star State are reminded of how little our fellow Texans value us when Rick Perry is reelected.  But of course Texas isn't the only state where Republican leaders use public animus against gay citizens to their political advantage.  Take Arizona governor Jan Brewer.  Please.  Take her far away.  Mollie Reilly reports for the Huffington Post:

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) has requested that the Supreme Court overturn a ruling that allows state employees to keep their same-sex partners on their benefits, including health insurance.  Brewer filed a petition for a writ of certiorari on July 2, requesting that the high court overturn the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit's September 2011 ruling in Diaz vs. Brewer. The pushback comes three months after the Ninth Circuit denied a request by Arizona state lawyers to re-hear the case with an 11-judge panel.  Last September, the Ninth Circuit's ruling prevented Arizona from implementing a law that would have barred state employees' same-sex partners from remaining on their health plans. The ruling affirmed a lower court's decision to place a preliminary injunction on the law.

What a noxious bag of right-wing effluvia.  Ms. Brewer is not only making life miserable for Latinos and shitting on women's reproductive choices, she's now trying to prevent the state's few gay-friendly towns (like Tucson) from offering basic benefits to committed same-sex couples.  This crone is truly evil.  Anybody have a bucket of water?

Why Rachel Maddow Matters

Even those Democrats who aren't addicted to The Rachel Maddow Show should watch one of her programs from time to time.  I confess I am a Maddow addict.  In the following video, the MSNBC journalist does what she does best - pointing out the hypocrisy and cluelessness of Republican politicians.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Rachel's official blog and her personal website provide thoughtful content.  In a media landscape cluttered with shrill conservatives and religious fanatics, America is fortunate to have this witty, cerebral voice.

Holy Hooligans Lou Engle and Bryan Fischer

The homo-hate from the right never ends.

Brian Tashman walks the dog for Right Wing Watch:  Lou Engle is redoubling his efforts at building a prayer movement to stop the “homosexual tornado” before it destroys America, and told members of The Ramp, an anti-gay youth ministry, that he had dreams of 100,000 gays and lesbians becoming part of a “first wave” of ex-gay preachers who will bring about “radical salvations and healings of AIDS.”

For anybody who wants to waste one hundred minutes of their life, here's the video ...

Engle has in the past supported a Ugandan law which would impose the death penalty on gays.

Moving right-wing along ...  Bryan Fischer of the hate group American Family Association suggests that the government should force everybody to attend Christian churches, presumably because people who have an "active, vibrant spiritual life are healthier."  Bryan's spiel is of course a not-so-subtle jab at health care reform, which Obama haters loathe from the bottom of their selfish little souls. 

Kyle Mantyla, also with RW Watch, reels in this flounder:

Fischer, who yearns for an American theocracy, frequently compares gays to Nazis.

Saturday Cat Videos

1)  Cat spins on a wheel, via YouTube user subwaysuicides  (Hat Tip: HuffPo)
2)  A crusty country fella feeds two kittens from a bottle, via MrsArtAngie

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