I love cheesy old films, the older and cheesier the better. Honestly, I can watch B-movies until my eyes bleed ketchup.
Art and I recently rented Michael Stephenson's documentary "Best Worst Movie" about the creation of Troll 2, a low-budget horror flick many cinephiles consider the crappiest movie ever made. Stephenson, who as a youngster appeared in the cult classic, succeeds in his critically-acclaimed portrayal of slipshod filmmaking during Hollywood's post-Ed Wood era.
The fact is, there have always been movies as execrable as Troll 2, feature-length productions both appalling and curiously appealing. Those of us who appreciate the sheer awfulness of these cinematic misfires embrace each clumsy scene with the religious fervor of Pastor Joel Osteen spreading his homophobia on Oprah. We watch them through the pain.
As we learn from the lives of Catholic saints and early Christian martyrs, there is a certain point where suffering is elevated to sublime ecstasy. Consider Polycarp of Smyrna, Blessed Thérèse, Jeanne d'Arc, Colton from Survivor.
The following films transport me into raptures. Like Bernadette Soubirous, ridiculed for glimpsing the Blessed Virgin on a garbage heap even as her young bones were being ravaged by cancer, I also have experienced otherworldly bliss. My agonizing visions and subsequent exaltation, however, are derived from celluloid garbage. My Lady of Lourdes wears Joan Crawford fuck-me pumps and enough hairspray to calcify a moose.
Percy B. Shelley's Ozymandias proclaims: "Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Behold! Despair! Look upon the works of "B Picture" geniuses Edward Bernds and Roger Corman ...
a.) Zsa Zsa Gabor stars as Queen of Outer Space, which cinecaprepictures effectively condenses into a 2-minute clip.
b.) If you're performing some mindless task and would like another mindless task to keep that first task in perspective, check out Susan Cabot as The Wasp Woman. The entire film is presented here via Matte Havoc's channel.