The Progressive Puppy

Camp Movies Moments VI - Before Troll 2

I love cheesy old films, the older and cheesier the better.  Honestly, I can watch B-movies until my eyes bleed ketchup.

Art and I recently rented Michael Stephenson's documentary "Best Worst Movie" about the creation of Troll 2, a low-budget horror flick many cinephiles consider the crappiest movie ever made.  Stephenson, who as a youngster appeared in the cult classic, succeeds in his critically-acclaimed portrayal of slipshod filmmaking during Hollywood's post-Ed Wood era. 

The fact is, there have always been movies as execrable as Troll 2, feature-length productions both appalling and curiously appealing.  Those of us who appreciate the sheer awfulness of these cinematic misfires embrace each clumsy scene with the religious fervor of Pastor Joel Osteen spreading his homophobia on Oprah.  We watch them through the pain.

As we learn from the lives of Catholic saints and early Christian martyrs, there is a certain point where suffering is elevated to sublime ecstasy.  Consider Polycarp of Smyrna, Blessed Thérèse, Jeanne d'Arc, Colton from Survivor.

The following films transport me into raptures.  Like Bernadette Soubirous, ridiculed for glimpsing the Blessed Virgin on a garbage heap even as her young bones were being ravaged by cancer, I also have experienced otherworldly bliss.  My agonizing visions and subsequent exaltation, however, are derived from celluloid garbage.  My Lady of Lourdes wears Joan Crawford fuck-me pumps and enough hairspray to calcify a moose.   

Percy B. Shelley's Ozymandias proclaims: "Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"  

Behold!  Despair!  Look upon the works of "B Picture" geniuses Edward Bernds and Roger Corman ...

a.)  Zsa Zsa Gabor stars as Queen of Outer Space, which cinecaprepictures effectively condenses into a 2-minute clip. 
b.)  If you're performing some mindless task and would like another mindless task to keep that first task in perspective, check out Susan Cabot as The Wasp Woman.  The entire film is presented here via Matte Havoc's channel.

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Colorado Lawmakers Use Bible Quotes to Oppose Equality

The Colorado Senate has passed a bill that would allow same-sex couples to enter into civil unions.  Although this (semi) equality legislation was approved by a majority of lawmakers (32-12), it was bitterly opposed by RRRRs (Rural Religious Right Republicans) who vow to step up their attacks on gay families when the measure makes it to the House. 

Notice how the enemies of loving gay and lesbian couples frame their "Christian" arguments.  (The following orgy of piety and scripture courtesy YouTube user exgaysurvivordan.)

Although the legislation probably won't make it out of Colorado's GOP-controlled House Committee, the state's senate vote is another bold baby step on our journey toward first-class citizenship.

Grim Future for Newt and Perry?

Former House Speaker and serial adulterer Newt Gingrich is preparing to abandon the Republican presidential race, like he abandoned two ailing wives.   It appears that Mitt Romney's vast wealth and, er, fluid political positions have purchased him a presidential nomination.  ("The insipid and avaricious are always with us."  - The Book of Mormon)

Humiliated, disgraced, and saddle-sore, Governor Rick Perry shuffled back to Texas in January.  The born-again buckaroo has endorsed Romney, having nobody left to support except for fellow Texan Ron Paul who is batshit crazy but still refuses to drop out of the race.  Talking Points Memo has compiled entertaining videos of the two candidates:

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On TPM, Kyle Leighton reports that "Texas voters aren’t enamored with the idea of Gov. Rick Perry running for president again. Or even reelection to his current gig."  (Can it be that my fellow Lone Star Staters have come to their senses?)

“The White House is definitely not in Perry’s future though if Texans have anything to say about it,” PPP, a Democratic-leaning firm, wrote in its analysis of its statewide survey. “Only 19% of voters think he should run for President again to 73% who think he should not, and even among Republicans just 31% think he should make another bid for chief executive.”  And when it comes to Perry retaining the governor’s mansion, Texans are similarly wary — only 29 percent of voters say he should run again for the state’s top office in 2014, against 64 percent who say he should hang up his boots. Seventy-three percent of independent voters do not believe Perry should run, while 49 percent of Republicans say he should try again.

I think Newt and Perry should retire from public life and move next door to George W. Bush.  They can sit around an old card table with Ron Paul and play dominoes while the sun goes down on them.

Sacred Heart Academy Shuns Gay Alum (video)

Dominic Sheahan-Stahl had been invited to address his high school's commencement ceremony - his youngest brother is graduating there this year - but after officials at the Catholic academy in Michigan discovered that Dominic was gay, he was told he wouldn't be allowed to address the students.  The decision was ultimately made by His Most Worshipful Bishop Joseph Robert Cistone.  School administrators didn't have the decency to tell Dominic he wasn't welcome there - so they passed along the information through his Mom.  Waymon Hudson writes on Huffington Post: 

Principal Denny Starnes contacted Sheahan-Stahl's mother with a shocking message: he would not be allowed to speak at graduation... Even more surprising, and perhaps more telling, is that this move to keep a gay person from even speaking at their school came a day after the same principal delivered an anti-bullying speech to the student body. The hypocrisy of the move to call for greater tolerance of differences while at the same time rejecting a speaker, family member, and alumnus who happened to be gay wasn't lost on Sheahan-Stahl...  This incident also comes on the heels of a recent visit from a Catholic bishop who gave a speech to the school seniors. The students asked the bishop about the church's stance on homosexuality, challenging the hostility the church has shown to LGBT people. While the bishop's responses about church doctrine on gay people wasn't surprising, the exchange caused a disturbance in the meeting, with some students even walking out on the Bishop.

Dominic explains the situation in this YouTube video.  (Pictured:  Sheahan-Stahl, Bishop Joseph Robert Cistone)

This young man appears to be a kind and forgiving person.  Countless others who've been harmed by the Church may be less willing to overlook persecution (and more grotesque sins) committed by priests and bishops. 

Dear Catholics, please stop giving your hard-earned dollars to an institution that discriminates.   (Hat Tip: ProPup pal Jenny)

Evangelical Leaders Loathing Mitt Romney

Women's rights advocates and LGBT Americans, long maligned by conservative Christians and Mormon elders, must be itching to pose Bob Dylan's timeless question to Mitt Romney, the GOP's presumptive presidential nominee ...

Over at OpEdNews, philosophy professor Robert Cogan provides succinct historical context:  The young Mormon Church was violently expelled from eastern states where it was founded.  But once it got control of Utah, its members were prominently involved in at least one massacre of non-Mormons.  (The Mountain Meadows Massacre of 1857 certainly wasn't unique.  Settlers passing through territory held by the "the Saints" were routinely butchered.)  In May 1844, there was a riot in Philadelphia over whether only the Protestant Bible, or also the Catholic Bible, could be read in public schools. Thirteen people were killed. Even today, sporadic war between religious groups, frequently evangelical Christians versus Muslims, goes on literally around the world...

There must be something in the very nature of organized religions (except perhaps Buddhism) that turns "true" believers into self-righteous fanatics.  There is hardly any difference between America's Sharia-esque evangelical nabobs and, say, Ayatollah Ahmad Khatami (who contends that "homosexuals are inferior to dogs and pigs").  Their objections to committed same-sex couples and females' reproductive choices demonstrate a perverse desire to control the lives of others. 

Mitt Romney Gets The "Real Christian" Treatment   

The leader of LivePrayer.com, a far-right Christian ministry with over 2.4 million devoted followers, is the perfect example of a "man of the cloth" who despises politicians that don't worship correctly.  Back in  2007, Pastor Bill Keller declared that "a vote for Romney is a vote for Satan."  (So what would he consider a vote for Obama?  Don't ask.)  Now Mr. Keller is proclaiming to his Internet sheeple that: "a Romney election will help insure at least one million souls will burn in hell for all eternity!  Any ‘Christian leader’ who supports Romney obviously cares more about politics than souls!!!"  (Christian wingnuts really must stop using multiple exclamation marks.) 

As reported on ChristianNewsWire, the go-to web destination for fundamentalist propaganda:  (Keller) has shared that Romney's Mormon cult is gearing up for the election of the first Mormon President in November. They are already gearing up their "evangelism" efforts to bring new converts to their cult's false teachings. Keller claims, "The Bible clearly teaches Mormon doctrine is 100% inconsistent with Biblical Christianity and those who buy into what Paul calls 'another Gospel,' will die and their soul be lost for all eternity."

Keller concludes his hysteria with:  "The Republican choice will be a member of the satanic Mormon cult who will never have to say a word for his cult to take advantage of their ultimate goal since they were founded 200 years ago, and that is to gain mainstream acceptance, giving them all the ammunition they need to aggressively seek converts to their cult's beliefs."

Careening through Jesus Flyover Country can be a harrowing experience.  Let's take a look at the Old Dominion State, where freethinkers walk with caution and anti-gay bigotry is rampant.  Born-again activist Matt Barber of Liberty University (the largest evangelical college in the world, supposedly) has been tweeting up a storm about Romney.  Jeremy Hooper at Good As You has compiled a comprehensive list of Barber's anti-Mitt Twitter blasts.  Here are a few random examples:

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha.  Can you imagine Mitt Romney, the politician whose limo broke speed records in his rush to sign NOM's anti-gay marriage pledge, stating:  "I am a bigger supporter of the homosexual agenda than Ted Kennedy."   Absurd.  It is true that Romney was once more receptive toward some LGBT rights than he currently is.  But his political strategists quickly set him straight:  Christian demagogues and Tea Party loons call the shots in the 21st century GOP - and don't you forget it motherfuckers, as the children say nowadays.  (Gore Vidal, pardonnez ma présomption.) 

And then there's this recent Tweet from The Barber of Severe:

Do you suppose L.U. is planning a surprise auto-da-fé?  (Of course they'd be obliged to toss Romney's token queer Richard Grenell onto the fire as well.  That might not bother Grenell, since gay conservatives love to suffer.)

(Pictured Top: Keller, Romney, Barber)

Little Brother Growing Older, Forever Loyal

Below is a photo of Little Brother, the mascot for ProPup.  He's not so little anymore, and ever since Maggie died and our black lab acquired his own little brother (named Chance), we call him just "Brother."

I love this old dog as much as I've ever loved another human being, except for my partner Art. 

When I arrived home from that hospital of horrors after cervical spine surgery, Brother refused to leave my bedside except for meals or to go outdoors for potty breaks.  He was lying next to me during the night terrors and panic attacks and detox hallucinations.  He calmed me and helped me heal.  It's always been like this. 

Alternately goofy and affectionate, Brother was a watchful presence during our years on the peninsula, when each summer brought the threat of hurricanes and tropical storms.  Although Art was working from home a lot then, he still had to drive into the city, to his office, twice a week.  I recall a tropical storm that had formed in the Gulf once and made landfall within six hours, while my partner was stuck in Houston traffic.  Brother was there, stalwart and loyal and fearless, keeping me sane and the cats soothed and entertained. 

Alas, Hurricane Ike put an end to our life on the beach.

We're content living on our farm here in deep East Texas, and Brother is entranced by the open pasture, the woods, the pond.  Like Art, Greg, and I; he is enjoying every moment of his "retirement."  No squirrel or deer goes unnoticed, no turtle or butterfly unappreciated, no baby goat unkissed, no flower unsmelt.  Every day is a reward for good behavior.

Here's a recent photo of Art and young Chance: