Those Strange and Disturbing Father-Daughter Purity Balls

Here we have a bunch of beaming middle-aged guys in tuxedos dancing with young girls. The girls are wearing floor-length gowns and wrist corsages. The scent of roses is in the air.  Vows and rings are exchanged.

Is this some horrible parallel universe inhabited by child molesters?  Nope.  It's the Annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball!

From Salon:  Focus on the Family started this mini-campaign to get fathers to “date their daughters” to show them good male role models, I guess. But really the point was taking your daughter out on dates so she knows what to expect when she goes out on real dates -- as if a girl's father is a stand-in until a future sexual partner comes along. The idea that fathers can't interact with their daughters without modeling a romantic relationship is a really disturbing one. 

From Glamour Magazine:  Dozens of these lavish events are held every year, mainly in the South and Midwest, from Tucson to Peoria and New Orleans, sponsored by churches, nonprofit groups and crisis pregnancy centers. The balls are all part of the evangelical Christian movement, and they embody one of its key doctrines: abstinence until marriage... The majority of the girls here are, as purity ball guidelines suggest,  just old enough to have begun menstruating…. But a couple dozen fathers have also brought girls under 10.

The idea of young girls pledging their virginity to their fathers is unsavory.  And what is being exacted by this "committment?"  From the New York Times:  Recent studies have suggested that close relationships between fathers and daughters can reduce the risk of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy.  But studies have also shown that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers.  (See also:  Ye Olde Virginity Pledge)

Events like this do not minimize the sexuality of children, as organizers claim.  They highlight it.  Conservative Christian fathers may revel in this creepy ceremony - but you have to wonder how many of their daughters are absolutely mortified at the prospect of making chastity vows to Dad.  And, how many of the girls would prefer not to attend this self-congratulatory gala.  The cloying aroma that pervades the auditorium might smell sweet to the initiated, but to the rest of us it reeks of pious exhibitionism. 

Note to these fathers with their purity balls:  Here's an idea. Why don't you sit down with your daughters and talk about the facts of life privately instead of parading them around like virginal trophies?

Comments

[lucky]

Wulfgang: if that's all it is, why's it called a "Purity Ball," and not just a father-daughter dance like those at my elementary school when I was wee? nobody is being uptight, I don't think, just put off by the idea of a father dictating his daughter's behavior even once she's old enough to make smart choices for herself. my dad is my friend, advisor, and confidant- NOT my "keeper."

[Scott]

What is disturbing is that many of you people can take a father and daughter trying to bond in a positive way (for both parties) and turn it into something negative. So, why is it that you (ANY of you) think that a dad telling his daughter that he will remain pure to his wife and abstain from pornography and a daughter committing to wait until she is married is anything negative - absolutely amazing that you would think that. So what if (95% - an unsupported figure by the way, but even if) did not keep their promises - at least they are trying are are trying to committ to something positive while bonding with their dads - why again is that a bad thing?

[Scott]

Do you people think it is 'creepy" for strangers to teach teenagers about sexual orientation (teachers, governemental programs, etc) or to embrace homosexuality? I bet not. You probably wouldn't have a problem if this was other than a "Christian" group. Be honest with yourselves - would you even be having this converswation if thsi was a buddhist, hindu, islamic, or (take your pick0 ceremony? Again - I bet not. Really - abusive Jeff? Are you kidding me? YOU people are the hypocrites and the ones in the dark ages - your hate and intolerance really shines through in these comments.

[Scott]

I really do not get why this is a bad thing? Sure we should let our children individuate, but trying to guide them is part of a parent's job. It is obvious that none of you truly understand these ceremonies and have critically judged ALL of the people involved. By staqting that he will protedct the girl's chastity, all the father is doing is stating that he will try to help her make wise decisions and that he will be there for her. By making the promise to wait until she is married, the daughter is attempting to make positive choices in her life. Of course the choices for anyones life truly ends up being up to that person but there are influences in everyone's lives. If you people really want to make a stink about religous "abuses" try looking at other religions where girls are actually mutilated and killed for NOT waiting until they are married and quit picking on christians for trying to do something positive, even if you do, for whatever reason, think it is "creepy"

[nicole]

regardless of the religious aspect (which I could easily spend all year debating the "morality" of)the fact is that these events are teaching girls that their virginity and sexual choices are meant to be a public spectacle.

that if you choose to have sex before marriage, you're not only disappointing god, your parents, and yourself, but you're turning your back on the entire community who is now personally invested in your virginity.

I am in complete agreement with @dreadful. this is just another tactic in stripping another generation of women of the rights over their sexuality. now that birth control is available for everyone, there has to be new and more inventive ways of telling women that their sexuality is something to be ashamed of.

[ugg store]

you people are uptight! It's simply a dance and a chance for fathers and daughters to bond, maybe even learn how a gentleman should treat a lady on a date.