Those Strange and Disturbing Father-Daughter Purity Balls

Here we have a bunch of beaming middle-aged guys in tuxedos dancing with young girls. The girls are wearing floor-length gowns and wrist corsages. The scent of roses is in the air.  Vows and rings are exchanged.

Is this some horrible parallel universe inhabited by child molesters?  Nope.  It's the Annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball!

From Salon:  Focus on the Family started this mini-campaign to get fathers to “date their daughters” to show them good male role models, I guess. But really the point was taking your daughter out on dates so she knows what to expect when she goes out on real dates -- as if a girl's father is a stand-in until a future sexual partner comes along. The idea that fathers can't interact with their daughters without modeling a romantic relationship is a really disturbing one. 

From Glamour Magazine:  Dozens of these lavish events are held every year, mainly in the South and Midwest, from Tucson to Peoria and New Orleans, sponsored by churches, nonprofit groups and crisis pregnancy centers. The balls are all part of the evangelical Christian movement, and they embody one of its key doctrines: abstinence until marriage... The majority of the girls here are, as purity ball guidelines suggest,  just old enough to have begun menstruating…. But a couple dozen fathers have also brought girls under 10.

The idea of young girls pledging their virginity to their fathers is unsavory.  And what is being exacted by this "committment?"  From the New York Times:  Recent studies have suggested that close relationships between fathers and daughters can reduce the risk of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy.  But studies have also shown that most teenagers who say they will remain abstinent, like those at the ball, end up having sex before marriage, and they are far less likely to use condoms than their peers.  (See also:  Ye Olde Virginity Pledge)

Events like this do not minimize the sexuality of children, as organizers claim.  They highlight it.  Conservative Christian fathers may revel in this creepy ceremony - but you have to wonder how many of their daughters are absolutely mortified at the prospect of making chastity vows to Dad.  And, how many of the girls would prefer not to attend this self-congratulatory gala.  The cloying aroma that pervades the auditorium might smell sweet to the initiated, but to the rest of us it reeks of pious exhibitionism. 

Note to these fathers with their purity balls:  Here's an idea. Why don't you sit down with your daughters and talk about the facts of life privately instead of parading them around like virginal trophies?

Comments

[Emily]

Word. Those things are so freaking creepy. It's essentially being owned by someone else. A person's sexuality is theirs and theirs alone.

[Amanda]

If my dad had tried to take me to one of these "balls" I might have kicked him is his.

[Trent]

If my daughter said she wanted to pledge her "purity" to me, I'd call a therapist.

[Maya]

As a progressive, atheist, and feminist -- I think you are being shamelessly opportunistic to demean the evangelical movement and Christian conservatism. There is no need to work so hard at embarassing them, they manage to do that all on their own.

The word 'dating' has been sexualized. When I was 12 my father took me out for an afternoon outing so we could bond more. It's what more fathers should do. Don't become like the right and demonize every idea the other side implements to protect their values.

[Carol Lee]

What the last commenter describes - an afternoon outing - is alot different that these balls. I know, I got dragged to one 3 yrs ago.

[JH]

Nevermind the daughters being ogled by other girls' fathers at these shindigs. Creepier still...

[S.V. Elte]

Based on the uppermost photo, it would seem that modern fathers with more than one daughter are also preparing them for marriages such as those described in Exodus 21:10, 2 Samuel 5:13; 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3, 1 Kings 11:3, 2 Chronicles 11:21, and Deuteronomy 21:15.
Certainly such biblical beliefs are central to Christian groups such as TruthBearer, ChristianPolygamy, and BiblicalPolygamy.

[Sassy's Mom]

I do not disagree with the YUCK factor here, but it isn't just an Evangelical, nor Christian problem. It isn't even a father problem. I see it as a parental denial problem.
While discussing the Gardasil vaccine with our FP, I asked HER if she would vaccinate HER daughter. Her response? "No. WE are very religious, (NOT Christian)and will be sending our daughter to an all girl's school. We don't believe in premarital sex. So, OUR daughter won't have to worry about HPV."
Before I had the chance to get PISSED OFF at the snobby,self-righteous, prejudiced b*tch, who probably figures I just allow my 12yo to shack up in her Tinkerbell decor bedroom, I replied, "Well, you can't control how many partners her future husband might have." Now, I'd like to tell her all about teenaged rebellion, forbidden fruit, and how ridiculous it is for her to say what she did, much less believe it.
Looking for a new FP, BTW.

[Kate Middlesex]

That is so wrong on so many different levels. I can't believe how sick somepeople are.

[What crap]

I'll believe that it's a useful way to do things when mothers take their sons to purity balls.

All this proves is that women are property and the men get to decide how to use them.

[braveheartsprogeny]

My ex-husband would have loved the idea of a Purity Ball. He was an upstanding church member, served in several high offices in the church, pillar of the community, even ran for mayor of our small town. When I divorced him, every woman in town thought I was crazy.

That was the whole time he was raping my daughters, who were too afraid to tell me because he said he would kill ME if they ever did.

Yep, we do love those Christian values.

[EatenByChutulu]

@ braveheartsprogeny: shame you couldn't draw & quarter him.

[highlyupsetface]

OH GOD CAN NOT UNSEE

[Dan]

Maya: I sincerely appreciate your open-mindedness, but the word "dating" is inherently sexual. The finish line in dating is--for EVERYONE--located in the bedroom.

Purity Balls pervert the father-daughter bonding experiences which you mentioned and rightfully value. If the point of these events are, as Salon wrote, to show these girls good male role models: rather than put impressionable, pubescent girls in a quazi-dating atmosphere with their fathers, wouldn't it be healthier to just, you know, be a good father?

[Kim]

Oh Gawd, are these creepy events still going on? I was hoping it was a passing fundamentalist fad like "True Love Waits".
As long as they are perverting the whole parent/child relationship, why don't they have Mother-Son Purity Balls too? Never happen.
In the mind of these twisted Christians, only girls can be sluts.
And boys will be boys.
The beat goes on.

[Lizbet]

I'm an evangelical Christian, and even I think this is creepy.

[Hillary]

Of course it's like being owned by someone - to these guys that's still the whole point of marriage: to own a wife and family. They're not partners in a family, they've been told that they are like God in the family and the wife and kids are the church ... peons.
ugh.

[Mothersonpurityballs?]

Love how all these purity balls are just for girls, but if girls are going to have sex, won't they be having it with boys? (assuming they are straight, because god for bid they were gay or bi) So why aren't the boys going to purity balls with their mothers? why is the blame always put on girls for getting pregnant? They need a penis to get pregnant! This always bewilders me. It is okay for boys to have premarital sex, as long as the woman they marry is a virgin. Ha.

And to the ex that raped your daughters that is horrific and I cannot imagine. To me it always seems the more religious = the more questionable. Those are always the ones molesting or beating their wives or children, alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. But its okay, because they go to church every week!

[dreadful]

My sister went to one of these. I refused to go. She still wears her "purity ring" which she will wear until her future husband replaces it with a wedding band. She will go from having her sexuality owned by her father to having it owned by her husband, in one fell swoop. It makes me sad.

[MeandMyShadow]

"Purity Balls" is kinda dumb anyways. I enjoy dancing with my daughter, because its fun and we enjoy doing things together. Why would I want to take my daughter to a "Purity Ball" is beyond me. Do not need take my child to a social gathering to make vows of purity. Moral choices like this is something that takes time and patience to positively influence your child, not throw one dance together, pressure then child to make a vow and expect everything is going to be ok now. Man, some of you need a reality check. HAHA! I am a full time single parent and have an amazing relationship with both of my children. Thats because I am not a bound up, loose cannon still dragging around mommy and daddy problems. Grow the hell up and learn to better yourselves. Shit.

[James]

Why is it that Liberals always against anyone that sets a standard. To a Liberal everything is alright. If it feels good do it. With Liberals there is no standard and no morals. No wonder this country is going to hell in a hand basket.

[brewhaha]

@James. You are wrong. Standards are wonderful if they also take into consideration the individual. As far as doing it as long as it feels good, that's something that died years ago. Today's liberal does it if it right - not just right for themselves (as is common for most conservatives), but right for others, for the world, for the future.
Don't presume to comment on my standards and morals. If you must have something to criticize, look inside yourself, foolish man, look inside.

[Pastor Fred Farkle]

The only a father can insure compliance with the purity oath is by checking his daughter's hymen every evening. That's the key.

[Wulfgang]

God you people are uptight! It's simply a dance and a chance for fathers and daughters to bond, maybe even learn how a gentleman should treat a lady on a date.

Seriously, lighten the fuck up!

[Danielle]

All the talk of Mother-Son dances makes me think of the Motherboy episode of Arrested Development. Equally creepy: http://www.hulu.com/watch/1321/arrested-development-mother-boy .