Bush - Frankenstein's Monster at the Convention

President George W. Bush spoke via satellite at the Republican National Convention on Tuesday night before a restless crowd of the party faithful.  Addressing the crazed villagers conservative delegates, Bush immediately started talking about how his duties kept him in Washington "to oversee the federal government's efforts to help citizens recover from Hurricane Gustav."  Y'know, like he wasn't able to find time to do after Katrina slammed New Orleans?  Then Bush thanks a bunch of Republican governors for their "sure-handed response" to the storm and says, "All of us are keeping the people of the Gulf Coast in our thoughts and our prayers."  (Yes, I'm quite certain the attendees of Sunday night's Hookers and Blow party were especially prayerful.)  POTUS introduces Pappy Bush and wife Barbara, and the camera cuts to his folks sitting in the convention hall, beaming dottily.  (Barbara's thinking how happy she is there won't be as many of those "underprivileged" black refugees streaming into Texas this time.)  Applause applause applause.  After that, to no one's surprise, Dubya performs the same self-congratulatory 9/11 song and dance he's been practicing for the last seven years and, almost as an afterthought, says, as only Bush could, "John McCain's life is prepared to make those choices.  He is ready to lead this nation."  The camera cuts again to Babs and Bush Sr.  Their applause seems less enthusiastic now.

Like Frankenstein's monster, Bush starts lurching unsteadily down the McCain As POW road, pausing only briefly to throw a little girl "the angry left" into a deep stone well.  Cut to Cindy McCain, grinning dreamily above major strands of pearls, thinking what delicious fun she'll have as First Lady.

Bush talks about human life being fragile and that it "Must Be Defended!" at all costs - a nod to the crowd's huge anti-reproductive rights faction.  He talks about unlimited offshore drilling (a position McCain now favors) which will line the pockets of many a Texas oilman.  Hearing this, the crowd roars its approval.  (Repugs adore nothing more than non-renewable energy talk.)  When the applause dies down, Bush continues with his oft requited McLove:  "John McCain is not afraid to tell you what he thinks!"  (That is, unless you're a member of the Religious Right and he's terrified of losing your votes.)  We hear from Bush Lips that McCain supports the troops.  Cut to Cindy McCain, smiling and nodding and nodding and nodding and nodding.  Okay, Cindy, we get it.  Bush drones on.  John McCain's courage.  John McCain's vision...

"We live in a dangerous world," Bush says, "And we need a president who understands the lessons of September 11."  Back we go to 9/11.  At this point in the story Frankenstien's monster always returns to the castle, where it feels safe.  But wait!  Surely there's a Bride of Frankenstein to be invoked!  Bush does not dissappoint.  "When he takes office next January, John will have at his side..."  Cut to Cindy McCain, preening, wishing she could whip out her compact without being spotted.  She strikes an almost bashful pose.  "... the governor of the great state of Alaska, Sarah Palin."  Cindy's smile is frozen, beatific. 

The crowd goes wild!  George Bush loves their Sarah!  He really really really loves their Sarah!  As far right as right can be, every Born-again's Kewpie Doll, that Queen of Religious Mean... Sa-rah!  Sa-rah!  Sa-rah!  Ecstatic cheers.  Sustained, heartfelt applause.  Torches are extinguished, pitchforks lowered, chains put away.  Beneath traveling spotlights, a thousand tears of joy twinkle. 

George Bush may be a monster, but he's their monster.  And he has come home. 

Comments

[Rhoda Kaye]

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Thank you for watching and transcribing so I didn't have to. I tried, I really did, but lost steam early in Lieberman... I really wanted to see who the people were left in these Good United States who could actually APPLAUD for Mr. Bush at this point.

[Max P.]

Thanks for your comment, Rhoda.